ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
