You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
