Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
