if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
