My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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