thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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