she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
