just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
