i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
