So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
