Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
