I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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