He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize