Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
