i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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