either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize