Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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