we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
