census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
