I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Pants are for mortals
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize