is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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