the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
