I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
