Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
