i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize