I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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