Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize