Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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