Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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