Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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