I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
