The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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