okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
