is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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