i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
