Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
