had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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