"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
