Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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