i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
