I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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