I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
