He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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