He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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