First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize