I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
