I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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