drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
