So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
