I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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