This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
