I just cut my nipple shaving
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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