you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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