i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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