Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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