She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
