No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
