this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ugly people sure do ruin things
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
