i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
