I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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