I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
