I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
