Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
