We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
