i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i love accidental penises.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
