My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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