When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
