my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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