yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
