I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
