I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
