tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
