Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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