I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize