oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
