Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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