Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
