I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
and you fell through a lawn chair
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
