Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
