I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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