he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
