Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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