We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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