I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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