I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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