Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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