You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
