I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Even my vagina gasped.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
